002. TWILIGHT

This is a critique I wrote two years ago for my school newspaper. At the time, Twilight was at the pinnacle of its popularity; it was hard to find someone who publicly didn't like the books. Nowadays, I don't really go around ranting about the books; if you were to ask me about them, I'll give you my opinion, but at this point, it's kind of become a moot point. Regardless, here is my article. It's called 'Some Things Just Shouldn't Sparkle'.

Some Things Just Shouldn’t Sparkle

Four years ago, publically swooning over vampires would only get you a few odd stares and a suggested trip to the therapist’s office. Today, however, the book series Twilight  has swept through the nation and into the heart of teenage girls everywhere, reducing them to tears at the romanticizing of vampire Edward to his mortal girlfriend, Bella. However, not all of us have become ridiculous fan girls after reading the series; some of us didn’t think it was all that great.

Twilight  is all about a teenage girl, Bella, who moves in with her dad in the small town of Forks and in her new high school meets boy-of-her-dreams Edward. Only, there’s problem; he’s a vampire and she’s a human. While I’d like to say that this is the plot of the series, it’s debatable whether or not the series even has a plot, because of the fairly small amount of conflict. Of course, this lack of conflict probably stems from the flawlessness of the characters.

I commend Stephanie Meyer for trying to do away with the cliché image of vampires, but in this attempt, she also did away with their weaknesses. Every vampire is super strong, fast, beautiful, etc. And, come one, vampires that sparkle? That just speaks for itself.

None of the main characters have any flaws, which is a very big characteristic of poor writing. In fact, one of the main characters, Edward, is constantly described as “perfect and godlike”. His perfection is played to such an extreme I felt that he had no personality whatsoever. Bella, as well, is a character lacking any real flaws; in all honesty, clumsiness is not a character flaw. She is described as “plain” in the text, and yet she attracts flocks of boys on her first day of her new school. That just doesn’t happen. 

Furthermore, they constantly contradict themselves. While Edward and Bella are supposed to be extremely mature people, they handle their situations like children; I know four-year-olds that throw less fits. Both characters were simply created for wish fulfillment; they give sappy girls a taste of a perfect, but highly unrealistic, relationship. 

For this reason, the phenomenon has not only left a mark on girls, but on boys as well. Because the idea of a perfect boyfriend is set in their minds, girls are now having unrealistic expectations from their male counterparts. Sorry ladies, you’re not going to find a sweet, smart, lovely boy who sets your wellbeing as his first priority and also happens to look like a Greek god.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m as sappy as the next girl; I can enjoy a good romance story every now and then. However, Stephanie Meyer took all the fun out of the romance part. Bella and Edward fall in love in two days. Falling in love should take time, be sweet and awkward; it’s not something that’s rushed over a period of two days. Furthermore, I didn’t even understand why they fell in love in the first place; so, she smells nice and he’s cute. How is that love? The rest of the books then just focus on their relationship, and trying to convince everyone else that they should be together, when honestly, they really shouldn’t.

The concept of the story was, admittedly, cute at first, and the first book wasn’t all that bad. However, it should have been left at that. New Moon was comprised entirely of filler text, words just written to fill up empty space, and the last two were just disappointing. They were all redundant, constantly repeating things that were already described in fully detail (such as Bella’s noisy truck and Edward’s perfection), preachy, predictable, and were generally just badly written. 

While Twilight is honestly not the worst book series out there, if this is what is considered the pinnacle of writing in the 21^st century, then I fear for the future of American literature.

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001. FACEBOOK

So there’s something that’s begun to bother me as of late, and it’s something that you, as a reader, have probably already done. That is, if you, reader, own a Facebook.

I like to refer to this practice as… Facebook name dropping. And, just as the term suggests, it involves one person posting something on another’s wall simply for said message to appear on the newsfeed of mutual friends for the sole purpose of flaunting the relationship between the wall poster and the wall owner. This practice is usually done ‘flirtatiously’ between couples who are in some sort of romantic relationship.

Now, you’re probably wondering why I put flirtatiously between quotes. I will explain that in a moment. But first, let me just go ahead and say this annoys the piss out of me. It’s sort of like that annoying friend whose annoying tendencies you ignored until you began to hate them out of spite. It didn’t bother me so much at first, but now it bothers me unreasonable amounts.

Now, don’t get me wrong. Let’s say, every once in a while, or perhaps out of pure spontaneity you wish to make your friend feel good, and because your friend depends on the approval of the populous, you write on his/her wall what a wonderful person your friend is and how lucky you are to be their friend and whatnot. I have no problem with that.

The problem I do have is the people who post things like, “OMG, babe, I love you so much, LOL, I’m so excited that you bought me a puppy, it’s adorable, also [insert pointedly inside joke here] and [insert reference to future get-together, usually a party of some sort here] and [insert nonchalant reference to the fact that you are within thirty feet of that person as you type this].”

First of all, if you are within thirty feet of the person you are typing to, you are either a completely energy-less chap, or you just want everyone to know what a close relationship you have with that person. Usually, it’s a combination of the two.

If you are within thirty feet of the person you are writing to, here’s a thought: Why don’t you just tell them the damned message yourself? What are you doing on Facebook? When psychology tells us that man is primarily a social creature, they don’t mean social networking sites. So, if you love that person as much as you say you do, get off the fucking computer and have a real conversation with them.

Anyways, if you still neglect to have a conversation with that person, then I am led to believe you want all of Facebook to know of your close interpersonal relationship with Wall-Owner. This, I think, is extremely demeaning to Wall-Owner and shallow for Wall-Poster. Then, when you say, “I love you you complete me you are my everything the air I breath and the gas I pass,” you aren’t really saying it to them. You’re saying it to Facebook. And, call me pretentious if you will, but when things are said to me, they need to be said to me. I do not tolerate things being said in a hopeful attempt to have them overheard, and likewise, I do not tolerate things posted in my wall if the poster does not mean them, and simply posted them for selfish reasons. 

Then, in fact, Wall-Owner is being used, and your proclamation of love is in complete hypocrisy and self-absorption. “I love you” should be said for the person on the receiving end, not on the giving end. The same goes with gifts. It’s a common concept. Your wall post is not romantic at all; it’s the exact opposite, and suddenly your words of “I love you” and your inside jokes and your get togethers mean so much less.

Furthermore, who do you think you’re impressing by clogging up your friends’ newsfeeds with these ridiculously and obviously tried expressions of social advertising? Because, I’ll tell you one thing, the first thing most people think when they see your mush is not “aww”, but instead, “God, they’re so freakin' annoying.” and, sometimes, if they are really spiteful, “I hope they break up soon so I won’t have to read anymore of this crap.”

Honestly, my generation has no sense of privacy, shame, or communication, and it’s embarrassing on a global scale. 

But I’ll make a compromise with you, FDA [Facebook Displays of Affection] abusers. If you are going to put your love life on display for the world to see, then I am assuming you are inviting the world into it, which will merit my ever-present two cents (Look! A reference to the blog name! Aren't I clever?). I will be giving your relationship a full psych-analysis and critique, and trust me, you won’t like it.

Or, the next time you get the urge to gush to your lover how excited your are for your inside joke of a get together that involves far too many pet names, pick up the God damned phone.

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INTRODUCTION

Well, seeing as this is my first post, I thought that I might as well make it an introduction.

Hi, I'm Priscilla. I go by Pris, Pri, Silla, or generally any variation of my name. I'm seventeen, and I'm a snob. And I mean it - I'm highly opinionated, pretentious, and hold myself and others to impossible standards which often results in scathing reviews for even my most favorite things.

That's where this blog comes in. As it turns out, no one really cares to listen to my self-righteous speeches every time I finish a book or watch a movie or have something to say about something in the media. So I figured I'd write it on the internet instead.

I won't only talk about books, movies, and television, however. I will write about whatever issue presents itself in pop culture or the media or, really, any general issue that doesn't involve stupid details about my personal life, because, let's be honest, nobody reads those kinds of blogs.

This blog is not only a critique, but a collection of my thoughts, and I hope you find them as entertaining as I write them to be. I warn you though: I can be anywhere from lewd and incoherent to a young master of prose. Still, as much of a pessimist as I am, I will always have points to argue for both sides of every critique.

Followers are appreciated. (: I will be updating soon with some old critiques/rants I have written and then with new ones as they come. Suggestions are always welcome.

Enjoy!

Also, please note that any questions, comments, and concerns may be directed to an email designed specifically for this blog: ms.priscilla.garcia@gmail.com. Thank you!

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